Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were so convinced about your judgment concerning an issue? You knew your intuition or decision was correct! Out of nowhere, someone’s words or actions made you question your thoughts and decisions. You may have just experienced gaslighting at work.
Think about it, they constantly deny the validity of your opinions, even when you are absolutely right. Subtly, you felt confused at first , and then became clueless.
Gaslighting is often talked about in intimate relationships and majority feel it has only grave effects on those in a romantic relationships.
However, gaslighting also happens in the work environment. In the corporate world, a gaslighter can be a colleague or superior.
This article will walk you through the doors of gaslighting at work – How to recognize it, disarm it and most importantly protect yourself.
Let’s start with the definition.
What is gaslighting?
The UK national bullying helpline defines it as a “cocktail of inappropriate and often manipulative workplace practices”.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which an individual makes the victim question their reality and sanity.
Manipulators have an insatiable thirst for control and power. As a result, they use this tactic to gain control over their victims, by inflicting repeated actions or words that breeds self-doubt and uncertainty in their minds.
So, what does Gaslighting at work look like?
Common Forms of Workplace Gaslighting
1. Denying Facts
Denial is a form of gaslighting.
When a colleague or boss is gaslighting you, you will be forced to prove your words and actions even when it’s true.
In a like manner, they also deny their own words and actions.
For instance, when you confront them, they will deny ever insulting you or giving certain instructions. They distort facts and fabricate malicious lies. That way, the victims begins to question their memories. It becomes your world against their distorted reality.
2.Blame Shifting
Gas lighters have bizarre imaginations. They create false narratives and make you the villain in every story.
When you work with them in a team, you are often held responsible for things and situations you know nothing about.
3. Isolating
Abuse thrives in isolation. You will find that people that gaslight at work like to isolate their victims.
Why is this so?
The quest for isolating their victims is fueled by the desire to control their thoughts and life. The victims are prevented from knowing other people’s perspectives about them or situations generally.
Usually, a gaslighter would say words like this –
“No one likes you…”
“X also feels you are despicable. They mentioned it in passing last week…”
Listening to such words over and over will make anyone gravitate away from their social circle gradually, which is one of the motives of a gaslighter.
At work, a gaslighter also ensures their victims are excluded from important events and activities intentionally by withholding information and making them appear incompetent before others.
4. Reputation Smearing
If you have ever heard unfounded accusations or malicious gossip about you or perhaps you noticed a change in people’s receptiveness towards you at work, and you are wondering what’s going on, many times, it’s a gaslighter stirring up chaos in a corner.
Gaslighting doesn’t stop at making you question your reality. A smear campaign is launched to ruin the victim’s character, name, and achievements.
5. Downplaying
Your emotions are a vital part of your being. If you are working with a colleague or boss that is gaslighting you, they will often downplay your complaints or worries.
They make it seem like you are overly emotional and overreacting.
In a nutshell, they trivialize your feelings.
The Impact of Gaslighting at work – Victims perspective
Gaslighting at work affects individuals in various ways and degrees, which may include, but not limited to the following.
a. Self -Doubt
You’ll agree that the words you say to yourself, and more importantly the words you believe about yourself affects you and your perception towards life.
When you work with a gaslighter, you begin to question your identity, values, and reality.
Repeated unflattering words and vicious imaginations are seeds sown in your mind, such that it begins to clash with your reality, and you start doubting everything you stand for.
b. Anxiety and Depression
Gaslighting affects an individual’s physical, emotional, and mental health. Those who work with in an environment where gaslighting thrives, are more at risk of getting depressed and anxious.
Stressful conditions like anxiety makes them more susceptible to cardiovascular diseases and other life threatening conditions.
c. Diminished Performance
Constructive criticism, encouragement, and focus are driving forces for excellence at work. An abusive work environment dampens on creativity and disrupt focus. Emotional and mental torture becomes a huge distraction and affects their productivity at work.
d. Reputational Damage
A gaslighter would not stop at making you believe the worst about yourself, they ensure that others also see you in a negative light. Slandering and defamation of character are tactics of gaslighting in a corporate setting.
How to Respond to Gaslighting
i. Trust your gut
A gaslighter wants you to doubt yourself. Don’t give in. Rather, trust your instincts. If you feel a certain way about a person or situation, acknowledge your feelings. Don’t dismiss it. Your thoughts may be wrong or right, but they are valid. They are pointers to something that needs your meticulous observation.
ii. Educate yourself
They say knowledge is power. Understanding how people like these work is key to protecting yourself. Getting books to provide you with the necessary information you need, takes you one step closer to affirming that your experiences are indeed real and not a figment of your imagination.
When you read books on these sort of topics, you are better able to setup boundaries, you find helpful coping strategies and you arm yourself with real life practical solutions.
Take a look at some useful reading material below with helpful strategies.
iii. Document everything
Gaslighting is a cocktail of falsehoods.
Ladies, if you ever find yourself in a fix with a someone who gaslights you at work, ensure that you keep a detailed record of your interactions – calls, e-mails and text messages with dates and important details.
Also, make it a habit to always have witnesses at meetings with a gaslighter.
iv. Confide in a trusted ally
You should confide in someone you can trust at work – a colleague or manager. This person can help you see things clearly and validate your concerns and experiences.
v. Set boundaries
At work, it may be difficult to avoid a gaslighter completely, especially if the person is your boss. However, you can try to limit your interaction with such person.
Attend only meetings that are mandatory. Avoid unnecessary arguments, that can escalate the situation. You should only reach out on important issues and be concise in your approach.
vi. Seek HR Support ( If Viable)
Although, it may seem impossible to expose a gas lighter because they are skilled at covering their tracks.
Nevertheless, if you have a functioning HR team in your organization, gather your evidence, lay a complaint formally.
When To Leave
You may not want to hear this, especially if you have poured your heart and soul into an organization but sometimes, leaving may be best choice. It’s sad, especially when you really love your job and you have familiarized yourself with work environment.
Nevertheless, working in a toxic environment is a roller coaster. Abusers don’t stop, it’s a vicious cycle.
Confronting them may not often alleviate the situation, it may tend to escalate tensions in the workplace. The longer you work in such environment, the longer your mental health suffers.
More than ever, your loved ones are on the receiving end of the mental torture you go through at work every day.
Your dampened mood will most likely put a strain on your relationship with your family at home.
If the HR team isn’t responsive to your complaints, or your loved ones have mentioned how agitated and depressed you are, then you need to start tidying up your things to leave the job.
Have an exit strategy, keep your evidence intact and be prepared for a legal action in case a constructive dismissal happens. Remember, you are losing your job and not yourself. Letting go might be all you need to kick start your healing journey and regaining your sanity.
Protecting Your Mental Health
Regardless of the negative impact of a toxic workforce, you can recover, get back on your feet again and smash your goals.
Seeking professional help through therapy or counselling is a good place to start. This will help you unleash all the buried trauma and pain.
You’ll begin to believe in yourself and regain your self-confidence and esteem. Most importantly, take care of yourself. Rest and spend some time doing the things you love.
Take a vacation. Meeting new people in a different environment can help you relax and relieve overwhelming stress. Engage in activities that can improve your self esteem like creating a list of your wins and reminding yourself of how amazing you are.
Be patient with yourself, until you unpack and be completely free from the emotional baggage that came with the experience. It is important that you are in a good place mentally and physically, before starting a new role in another organization.
Keep in mind that you aren’t alone, there are some support groups online and resources for gaslighting victims that can help you on the path of healing.
Conclusion
Gaslighting is a tool of abuse that has been existing for a long time, but it is fierce in today’s corporate world. Equipping yourself with the tactics and impact can prevent you from being a victim.
However, if you are currently experiencing gaslighting at work, protect yourself by handling the situation with tact and stepping away if you’ll have to.
Ladies have you ever been at the receiving end of gaslighting at work? How did you handle the situation? let us know in the comment section below.
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Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for general informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice. Laws regarding hostile work environments vary by location, and the specific complexities of your individual situation require consultation with a qualified employment law attorney. This article does not create an attorney-client relationship, and the author assumes no liability for any actions taken based on the content presented.
